Comfortably Numb

Hello?



Is there anybody in there?


Just nod if you can hear me


Is there anyone at home?

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse



Out of the corner of my eye


I turned to look but it was gone


I cannot put my finger on it now


The child is grown the dream is gone

I have become comfortably numb


There was a point in time that I prayed to be numb.  Numb to my inner struggles.  Numb to the world.  Numb to my husband.  Numb to turmoil.  Numb to pain.  Numb to my "negative" feelings.  You know what they say, be careful what you pray for.  I did become numb.  Numb to happiness.  Numb to my inner struggle.  Numb to love.  Numb to God.  Just plain numb.  During that time, I often drank myself numb. Emotionally I shutdown.  I was a shell.  Just going through the motions.  I still can't pinpoint the moment that I realized that I didn't want to be numb anymore. 
 
I am no longer numb.  Tonight I realized that I never want to be numb again.  If it hurts, then I need to feel all the raw pain (emotional or physical).  I need those up and downs to define me.  When you are numb, there is no color to be seen and no laughter to be heard.  There is no spice in life.  There is no joy and love in that gray fog. 
 
I do know my children and husband drive away any lingering desire to be numb.  As I weather the storm that is life, I want to feel the cold hard rain and the blistering sun.  I know that in all of that I will find my true purpose.  I can continue to dream a new dream.  So, I am no longer comfortably numb and I am thankful for that.